What do I need to do??

Today has been unexpectedly but a much needed great day off. It started off pretty average...got up...went for breakfast.....THEN got invited out for lunch!

I was initially a bit hesitant as I knew they were meeting local people and I wasn't sure if I had enough energy to smile, be polite and make small conversation with people that I am sure I won't see again. But I also didn't want to see any more shops today, so I went.... and was pleasantly surprised! 

We were picked up from the ship, taken into the mountains to this guy's weekend home. His family, extended family, friends, neighbours and anyone else who happened to be around was there! We ate a huge BBQ, amazing fruit, toasted marshmallows :-) and had some great conversations. I didn't really feel like I had to make a big effort. We just seemed to click and yes I could relax :-) I am still sure that it is possible that I won't see these people again but it was such a treat to be with them for the time that I spent there. The mountains were amazing. So beautiful and reminded me of the Lake District...just on a grander scale!

It just reminded me how much God know's me better than I know myself. He know's exactly what I need and when I don't fight to do what I think is the best plan for me...he blesses me with much needed treats!

I went to our weekly worship night tonight and was blessed again by being able to get in a zone with my creator and just spending time with Him. I am so at peace when I am in that place. 

Recently I have been thinking about a few different big things...

• What will I be doing this time next year. Am I to stay on the ship longer, am I to go to a new country or am I to go home. I just don't know!
• Will I find my Mr Right and get married.....

• Needing friends around me who I can completely be myself with. To know I can be honest and not feel judged. People who just understand me without trying.

But after today I feel like He was reminding me that HE knows what I need and WHEN I need it.

What do I need to do?? Rest in Him and enjoy the ride :-) 

Is it only me who has day's like these?

I started this post about 3 hours ago....then our lovely golf ball (also known as the internet thingy ;-)) on top of the ship wouldn't work and let me post this...

I'm not sure if it's tiredness or what but today I am having one of those day's where I lack confidence. Confidence to join a group of friends for a meal, the confidence to go out exploring...that seems like too much effort. Today I prefer to just hide in my cabin (my safe space). 
I may brave it and go to worship night tonight. It's a time where I can connect with my creator, bring all my failings, frustrations, unrest and just rest in Him. I am thankful He loves me on the down days as well as the happy days. I am thankful that He accepts me me just as I am. I am thankful that He doesn't judge my character but loves it more than I understand.
We sail out of here in the morning to go to our last Malaysian port. I pray that it is a sail of quietness and a chance to recharge these weak batteries.

 Some people made this 'sign' when we arrived here in Kuching! I like it :-)

Worship night helped lot's! I got some time with God....just me and Him....no distractions. It's always good to get in the zone with Him :-) 
Right, I gotta go and move some life jackets ;-) Life is surreal at times!

I love history

Today is one of those strange days where I feel like I should be taking part in one of those things at home that has been 'drilled' into me since I was a child. I should be wearing my Poppy with pride and paying respect to those who have fought for our country in past years.
Maybe because my grandfather served in the second world war is why I feel like this. As a child, I loved hearing stories of him serving in distant far off lands. I used to love looking through old photos of what days were like in the UK then, seeing letters he sent back to his future bride (who is now my grandmother), being taught about the 'ration' books and how they couldn't get hold of many types of foods or clothing, of my great grandmother taking in evacuee children who were sent from big cities where bombings were happening every night.
In recent years on Remembrance Sunday I have gone with my grandfather (and many others) to the cenotaph in our city centre to pay respect to the ones who have fallen, and to pray for the ones still fighting. It may sound weird but I love going there with him...to share this with him is special!
On the ship, this occasion is obviously not recognised.  I live and work with people from many countries that we have been at war with. It wouldn't be appropriate to recognise this occasion as a full ships company...But I will be taking part in my own way. I don't have a poppy but I hope to make one :-). I aim to take part in the 2 minute silence at 11 o'clock UK time...7pm my time and pray for those who are serving to try and keep peace.
I just found this poem on the internet while I was looking for items on Remembrance Day. The ship does show aspects of how the world could live in harmony. DON'T get me wrong...the ship is NOT perfect and we DO have many differences, but we are from over 45 different nations and we live and work together every day in a small community....without killing each other! It is possible to do it when we all have the same vision. We are serving Christ!

A wish..

Maybe it is pointless
To wish for lasting peace
For all mankind to lay down arms
For all fighting to cease

I could despair of seeing
Peace throughout the land
No longer hearing talk of war
Blood mixed with desert sand

We do not have the tolerance
For cultures not our own
Seeds fly on an ill wind
From beds where they are sown

Hope lies in a child's heart
Not yet turned to stone
A mind free of prejudice
A child not alone

If all children of the world
Held each others hand
They could do what we could not
Make a Brotherhood of Man.

Maxine Kendall
Burlington, Ontario, Canada. Maxine Kendall was born in the UK

Ship Children and Bonfire night!

The nursery children I teach are just awesome and bring so many smiles to people on the ship. This morning we wandered down to the dinning room for our morning snack and for the first time ever they decided to sing as we went along. They got so many smiles and hellos as we passed crew working in offices and around the ship. Some of the crew also joined in the songs with us! I think it brighten up their morning....it sure did mine :-)
This afternoon we took the rest of the school for a swimming lesson to a local hotel pool!
You have got to realise that this is a big deal. The ship kids don't often get opportunities to swim.....even though they live on the sea! It's for many reasons, hotels are expensive, the beaches/seas where we are are dirty...or rough, we may not be in a port long enough to find a good pool. But anyhow, the advanced preparation team (who go before the ship to organise everything before we arrive) managed to get us two FREE sessions in a local hotel pool where we could take some lessons.
We had a great afternoon and the children really seemed to enjoy their time.
We also managed to bring back all the children and without any damages to them...BONUS! :-)

I must admit though, the strong chlorine smell brought back fond memories of the day's when I was coaching children in my swimming club at home. I was reminded how privileged I was to grow up in a swimming club. I know I took it for granted and occasionally didn't want to train the two, sometimes three, sessions each week (for 15 years!), but they were some of the best days in my childhood. I got a real love for swimming which continues even now. I am looking forward to next weeks session now :-)

Tonight I had the unique experience of celebrating bonfire night in Malaysia! Someone had managed to get hold of some sparklers! So I stood outside, with my fellow Brits, we lit our sparklers and ate treacle toffee......while the local people waiting to visit the ship looked on! The only other difference was....it's not cold here, it's hot, so you can't wear your hat, scarf and gloves! And I also kind of missed seeing people in pitted wellies on their way back from a bonfire in a muddy field! We still wished each other a happy 5th of November. :-)

Sun sets when sailing

Some photos from the last sail! :-) Enjoy

Each step of the way.

The sail was really smooth :-) I enjoyed it lot's.

I am feeling a bit confused this week.

There are three reasons for this confusion. The one that I will talk about (I'm not ready to talk about the other two things....yet) is, I have been challenged to think about my steps after the ship.

It is still one year until my time on the ship is over, a while to go yet but I have had some uneasy feelings recently because I don't know what is going to happen next. I know that my life has been mapped out with the best possible plans for me. I believe this and trust this...I suppose I am just a bit nosey and like to know the next part is.

I am being lead along the path that is right for me. I am being lead along each step of the way and know I will find out what's next, when I am ready to be open to the next part.

I would never have given up my job in the UK and left home for two years, which is what I eventually have done. It is obvious that my creator knows me better than I know myself! He lead me along the path and guided me to get me where He wanted me. But I do feel He lead me gently. I am very scared of having the carpet swept away from under my feet. Of being in a place where I am uncomfortable and not in control. I have learned this past year that I am a bit of a control freak!

The ship is a place where you your emotions can go from one extreme to an other in less than a day. I can go from feeling claustrophobic in the closeness of community life and living with the people that I am spending this part of my life with to complete loneliness. Being in a room bursting with people but still feeling lonely. It's a good job that these feelings don't happen every day. 

Today I am feeling 'understood'. I have a good friend on board who is understanding on another one of the other confusions in my head. It's always good to be understood on the ship. She has been through a simula situation and so it feels a bit easier to talk to her. She understands :-)

Ok I better go. I have four emails to reply to before dinner.

Lot's of good things are happening this week....

...First being that we set sail tomorrow for our next port. I LOVE sailing. It is the time when the ship is quieter because there are generally only ships company onboard. We can relax (while still doing our jobs!) and enjoy each others company without being watched by a tour group of local people going past in the dining room! I also love the creation that we see during sails, Dolphins, Whales and Flying fish! It makes me wonder if there could be a whole other world under the sea! The sunsets are just magical :-) I love sailing. I just hope it's a smooth one. I don't get sea sick, but friends of mine do, and so if they are ill then they are not happy....I prefer happy friends around me :-)

The other good thing is that I get the cabin to myself!! Now don't get me wrong, I really get on well with my cabin mate...but it is also nice to have a few days 'space'. To be able to get back to my cabin and not have to worry about my things being in the way of others. To just sit and be still, to have music on when I want or to watch a film without ear plugs in. These are simple things but things I have come to appreciate.

So as I am allowed to drive the ship vehicles, tonight we booked a van and I went with three of my friends out to a shopping mall for dinner :-) We ate steak! Nice juicy steak! The port we are in at the moment has no taxis or buses near by. It is in the middle of nowhere and hard to get out to go anywhere. As I can drive now, it was very nice to have the freedom to do this. We had a very nice relaxed evening of eating tasty food and shopping for bits and bobs.

Our internet is RUBBISH when sailing so I might not be able to blog again until the weekend. I will try though :-)