Dear friend,
You might not actually realise any of
this but for the past year you have been in my thoughts daily and
those thoughts have often controlled my energy, spirits and peace for
that day.
I have given the situation over to God
on many occasions but have still not been at any peace with it and so
think that I need to send you this letter to bring closure.
The reason that it drags on for me is
because I feel like I have failed you. I have never felt this way
before. I have never in my life lost a friendship due to a failing on
either side. I have had friendships which have fizzled out as we have
both naturally moved onto new things. You may not know, but I don't
go into friendships lightly. I am cautious until there is a strong
connection and I know whether I will get on with someone or not. For
me, our friendship was up and down. There were days when I thought
that we had connected, I thought that we understood each other. But
there were other days when I felt there was no connection and we just
didn't get each other at all.
I have wrestled with God about my
failings and He has taken me on a road to remind me that He is a
jealous God who wants all of me. He is asking me what is more
important, a failing which is eating me up inside or a loving
relationship with Him where I am not distracted daily.
For me to move on from this I first
need to tell you that I am truly sorry from the bottom of my heart
for any hurt I have caused you. I really am. I am sorry that I
couldn't understand you. I am sorry that I couldn't be the friend
that you needed or deserve.
Whether you forgive me or not, I also
need to forgive myself. I'm not sure how long it will take for me to
do that. But for me to do it, I have to acknowledge that I have
failed and that is where this letter is coming from. I think that God
is about to take me on a new road, a road where he can heal my
hurting heart, a road where I will learn how to please Him rather
than man or myself.
This will take time but I want to be
more concerned about what He thinks of me rather than any person.
I pray that you will find the
friendships that God wants for you, the ones who you will connect
with and where you can both just understand each other.
Take care and God bless,
Lucy
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